Following some overdue friendly advice

Trouble. I try my best to avoid those since they end up so messy that cleaning it up would be the hardest thing to do. It is so hard that I would just hide and not deal with it. It's pretty easy. I can suck it up because the fixing it part is not my forte. I find myself so uncomfortable and awkward when I do try the fixing thing. So I don't do it. That has been me for as long as I remember.

But a certain someone has actually told me a million times to grow up. That I need to try and do the fixing thing. Just try. It doesn't have to be perfect but the effort is the thing that matters.

There was this one thing happened to me lately and that gave me the guts to do this fixing thing. Maybe it was because it was time for me to grow up as some would say. Maybe it was because it was important enough for fixing. Maybe I just wanted to do it just for the heck of it. I don't know, but one thing's for sure: I did it.

I gotta tell you, it was freakishly nerve wracking. I have a share of experiences of being on stage and talking to a lot of people - it was okay. But I knew this was different. I felt like I was letting myself be open. My wall was slowly dissolving. And I felt so exposed. And so vulnerable. My calmness was taken away from me. There was this built up uncertainty that was getting bigger and bigger. Even if I knew what I need to say, my ability to talk coherently turned in one liners and uh-huh's and yeahs. I felt so weird and so awkward but I had to deal with it since I was already doing it.

After the attempted fixing thing. I kinda felt accomplished because I got through it. But deep inside I knew I need some improvement. I also know that this thing wouldn't be the last. There would always be a next.

So cheers for me finally following an overdue friendly advice. It gave me courage to do something that I was I afraid of. And it got me realize that what I was afraid of wasn't that bad at all, it just needed some getting used to.



Michelle said...

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Kisses and hugs from Brazil :)

If you follow me, I'll follow you back.


Liajoyce said...

Wow, thank you! :) That means a lot to me. :)

Saoirse said...